Saturday, February 28, 2015

Meet MynameisOatmeal, Puss, ithinkimhungry, ArthurRimbaud, and DC's other select international male slaves for the month of February 2015


Boy-Sweet-Home, 23
I want someone qualified to do brain surgery on my ass. Use all your experience and knowledge, all of your tools, toys, instruments, your hands and even feet, if necessary, all your expertise and finesse of human biology to figure out why my ass has controlled and destroyed my whole life and then either disable it, or if you can't, make the problem permanent.

If my only choice is option no. 2, I'm looking for an ASS fanatic. He is only interested in ass, little soft ones like mine, to eat it, fuck it, fist it, use it as a game piece, own it ruthlessly and routinely. But I’m not interested in being a punching bag to help you feel superior because inside you feel insignificant or you’re down-trodden at work. My ass must be the only thing that makes you weak.


Medusa, 19
I'm here to solve all your doubts and if i answer your questions at least I want to receive a "thanks"
That is what they do people well educated

I need money for school, I have school so i cant really go to far places like Japan etc

I'm young, but not stupid so don't try to trick me

If you want to own me send a photo in your first messege without photo you can fuck yourself


TheCrow, 21
Hi ,my name is The Crow, i live Europenion country Latvia-Riga
what may be possible ? and what can you offer me ? )

I sleep with you
I give you constant sex
My cum will go where you want it

Sex for free, You not pay me.
Maybe i look master (in an monogramuos relationship)

1) you pay ticket) Riga-your city
2) I work "assistant" + you help me registracion account
3) I life your apartament ( and "work")
4) in any time you want -We will free sex
5) I not pay Rent,
6) my interesed play computer games (WoW)
7) I stayed for 2 months and after i go back Riga
8) Thanks!


flaws08, 22
My life is like a mercy game, ducking and dodging crooked cops On a mission fishing for feddy, ready to make a knot I'm use to having less, and I just can't deal with the stress And it seems like everywhere I go, y'all fuck with my mess until it bleeds, To deal out these deeds, then you die, And when it's my time hope I don't cry.



TroubledMind, 22
To get this out of the way—I am a pussyboy. I'll explain.

While I go about my day-to-day life as a man, my dream is to assume a totally anally-focused sexual role wherein my cock is totally ignored, by others and by myself. One wherein I cum from being penetrated, only, and otherwise not at all.

In other words, my ideal partner is a man who has no interest in cocks beside his own. A man who fucks his bottom in a jockstrap to blot out the pussyboy's defunct birth-genitals, supplanting the bottom's masculinity in favour of his own. Not selfish, necessarily; the sort of exchange wherein eating out the bottom's pussy is a proportional, though never expected, recompense for the attentive cocksucking the bottom gives to the top. The sort of relationship where, even after so many nights, the top has never so much as seen the bottom's male-parts—or, if so, only incidentally or accidentally.

That should give you an idea of what I mean.


LostInTokyo, 22
If you're lost in Tokyo, let me help you out. I like to listen to your sadness and dislike of boys and try to give it a solution or try my level best with my body to help them out.I always try to make people aggro just through sharing me.I love to have sex with angry older men, They are the best and i want them to fuck me hard on my desk.But I don't share my personal details its not that i dont trust people but i like to be alone in my world.


ArthurRimbaud, 18
Here I am, what are your other two wishes?

I am the great boy poet come back from the dead through mystical means and looking to help a new Verlaine type out of his daily routine and offer him a charming loophole.

Conservatives, skeptics, cynics, fuck off right away. I think you understand my being very direct about that.

Thank you for your message and intense interest about me.


Inferiorfriend, 24
I'm interested in forming an unequal friendship with another guy. Straight, bi or gay, the point is that you will be able to treat me as the lesser partner. This could include eating better food when we go to a restaurant together, making me dress poorly while you wear the best clothes - and in private getting more intense with it if you like: tellings-off, slaps, or even spitting when you feel it's called for. I'm happy to go further if you prefer that, but equally happy to keep it pretty implicit.

I'm an otherwise regular boy who goes to crunch fitness and is into photography, but I grew up being seen as inferior by my classmates and humiliated at home. Being in an inferior role is the only way I am truly comfortable with.

Your inferior friend


Imsodoomed, 19
Hi my name is Spike!!!!!!! I've been sexually obsessed with my father since I was 6 years old. Ever since I could cum, at age 10 until I was 15, I masturbated to fantasies of him fucking me at least 3 times every day. Nothing else mattered to me. The rest of my life was just a horrible deprivation. When I was 15 my parents got divorced, and my father confessed to me that he was also closeted gay and had been sexually obsessed with me all my life. You can imagine the explosion that happened that night! Our lust for each other was so intense that fucking seemed like kids play, and we quickly moved into a master and slave relationship. Since the age of 15, I've been subjected to every kind of extreme sexual use and abuse, torture, experiments on my body and mind and emotions, and you name it. It never stopped, we couldn't stop ourselves. Our need for each other was so violent and intense, he almost killed me many times. I had to quit school at 16, and he quit his job so we could have each other 24 hours a day. I'm now 19 and will turn 20 in a few weeks. A few months ago, he started complaining that I'm too old for him, and his lusts have begun wandering to much younger boys. This frightened me to death, and I came up with the idea of him renting me to other men who don't love me like he does and who don't give a shit about me to use and abuse as badly as they want with no limits while he was watches. Thank God this really excited him. He confessed to me that he's been fantasizing about something like that for a long time. He confessed to me that his biggest fantasy has always been watching me be tortured and killed. He said he has been fantasizing about killing me himself since I was 4 years old, but he couldn't. Those times I mentioned that he almost killed me weren't accidents like I had thought. My surviving was the accident. My father has agreed to this new arrangement, and we could definitely use the income. We're looking for men to use me very extremely in front of my father. We're asking a minimum payment of $500 for basic rape and sadism and to go further you'll need to pay more. You must be very attracted to me and have very extreme sexual tastes and be ready to be very sadistic to me. As my goal is to keep the love of my father, I request that you don't actually kill me, but the closer you get, the more chance I have to keep him, so we can go quite far in that direction. I realize the risk I'm putting myself in, and I realize I'm only going to get older and less exciting to him. I don't want to die, but if it were to happen now, I can see that it could be for the best, and I guess there are worse ways to go.


Droolingcumguzzler, 20
Such a waste of time.

I'm in a sham of a relationship with a girl but it's not who I am. I NEED a release! I am gagging for spurting cocks and will do literally ANYTHING, watersports, gang banging, ANYTHING. my mouth and arse will be yours to flood ;) First I want you to prove to me you're worth my time though, so send me pics of you cumming on my pictures to my mobile.


justuntitled, 18
I am 100% masochist 18 yr-old boy in Copenhagen who wants a man to break every bone in my body.

Please I am serious so you better does to.


Virgin, 18
Plz start to fuck me.

I will be on amyl.


cassiuslibertine, 23
Hey you.

I just got back to America. Loved the Netherlands. Found myself a passion there.

Turns out I'm into androgyny, armpits, getting beaten till I cry then fucked hard, commodity fetishism and the secret thereof, filthy perverts who are also good people, getting flogged and fucked to Rammstein, getting fucked to techno, getting flogged while giving a blowjob while you're playing video games, goth, ice cubes.

Turns out I'm also really good company.


getfuck, 19
Im still a virgin and need some crystal. Its the only way i will find the courage to do it. I dont drink so crystal is the best way plus i love crystal lmfao. Hopefully after tonight i will love cock and cum. Thats if im not to drugged to move lol. Anyone who can get me crystal meth please email me.

This is an odd message but im putting it to people cos im gagging for cock but too nervous and was told crystal will make me do it. So the first person to tell me they can get me some crystal meth to take away my inhibitions gets to come round mine and drug me up and take my virginity tonight/early morning.


watchoutWATCHOUT, 18
I found out 2 years ago that that I'm a Demon! I really love it! but I need someone to control me. You can't be anyone, but you should know how to tame a Demon. No psychiatrists or priests, I tried and destroyed them already.

I mourn for guys age 16-20, Big boys, muscular boys, Fat boys, white boys, black boys. I choose you and then I'm all yours! For all the worms, stay away, don't even try! I don't want to destroy you but I will! I am not a boy, I am a Demon!

Sorry.. Mentally unstable. I fuck shit up. Bipolar. Depression. Anxiety. Mental/nervous brakedowns. I'm hunted by the memories that still lurk within this hell I like to call my head. Alcoholic.

!!Warning!! I'm only 16 years old, but in the Netherlands it is allowed to serve people as a slave.

!!Warning!! I am really dangerous !!Warning!!


ithinkimhungry, 19
Hello MASTERS and OWNERS my name is Fagboi(real name is Kevin it is no longer used) and I am a very experienced submissive faggot object that wants to be owned. I am looking for brutal and sadistic torture at the hands of a sick owner.i have been trained since i was 14.I HAVE NO LIMITS.i want to just exist to suffer insurmountable hell.
i have been subjected to severe beatings and extreme torture.I am not owned at present but have been trained by father and uncle. My life is simply to take pain. i am always restrained and live in a cage since 14. I am hored out for use and abuse.
i only own 6 jockstraps 1 pair of jeans and 2 wife beaters and a pair off shorts for the gym.
on the day I graduated high school I was permanently stripped of all clothing and also had all body hair from neck down permanently removed.the hair on my head and eyebrows is also kept shaved off. the foto i put here with my face is me 1 week before graduation but the rest is new.
My current trainers have a saying (PAIN IS WEAKNESS LEAVING THE BODY).I feel there really is nothing I have not been subjected to all these years.
here is a sample of a session just last week.
I was taken out of cage and led by leasch to middle of dungeon where I was hooded and gagged,had my ass plugged,nipple clamps applied,my leather wrist cuffs were fastened behind my back and my ankle ones had a short length of chain fastened to them .I then had a jockstrap put on and was taken out to car were I was put into trunk or transport to my uncles farm. Upon arrival I was removed from trunk thrown on ground and chained to an atv. I was then dragged to an out building were 6 guys were waiting. after being unchained from ATV I was re-chained to wall. The blindfold on the hood was removed and I saw on the concrete floor in front of me there was a huge pile of human and animal shit.
Well I was unchained from the wall and my wrists were re-chained behind me and I was thrown into the pile of shit and forced to roll around in it for about 20 minutes while more was dumped on me.then after that was done every person in the room pissed all over me .
when that was done i was dragged back outside re chained to ATV and dragged to another building for washing which consisted of being strung up by wrists to a post outside and hosed down with cold water and scrubbed with a hard bristle scrubber.after washing I was chained to ATV to run behind it and led to uncles house where I was strapped to saw horse for ass beating and fucking and my mouth also got plenty of use then to.
after the 8 hour session I was taken back to my fathers house by my uncle locked in a cage in the bed of his pickup.the whole session was incredible and I really enjoyed it.THANK YOU SIRS FOR READING THIS WORTHLESS FAGGOT'S PROFILE.
My cousin who is also a faggot slave has a profile on here to his is 19yo4brutaltorture.


Puss, 22
Hi. I am ticklish everywhere but my feet are by far the most sensitive part of my body. I am pathetically ticklish on the bottoms of my feet. Along with them being ticklish I keep them flawlessly soft and smooth. Here is my foot care routine:
1. I never go barefoot.
2. I scrub my feet in the shower every single time with a loofah and scrub brush.... yes it tickles like HELL.
3. I rub baby lotion into them 3 times a day.
4. Every night before bed I soak my feet in baby oil for at least an hour while watching TV or chatting online.
5. I sleep with socks on after using my 3rd coat of lotion on them after soaking.
6. And Finally, I get a pedicure every single Friday.
I hope to get to talk with all of you very soon.


MissUnderstood, 21
i prefer to serve one guy for my lifetime in which includes love........

"sex is impervious to reason and mocks the power of all philosophers. but, in fact, a person's sexual choice is the result and sum of their fundamental convictions. tell me what a person finds sexually attractive and I will tell you their entire philosophy of life. show me the person they sleep with and i will tell you their valuation of themselves. no matter what corruption they're taught about the virtue of selflessness, sex is the most profoundly selfish of all acts, an act that forces them to accept their real ego as their standard of value."

i am transgender on hormonal therapy 3 months. my dick will be erased in 2 years.

please be under 37 years old.


MynameisOatmeal, 24
90% sub who needs to go 100%. The missing 10% is because I'm Bi.

First i need to confess the times i have tried to be a man and be forced to develop full faggot slave consciousness and purge all pretensions to manhood. i need extreme interrogation and to be degraded, broken down and reduced for every inappropriate thought or feeling.

Next thing You may want to do is to stick that speculum in my cock hole deep, then maybe do some sound cleaning. Then piss in it. Then spit in its gaping hole. Then stretch it further with ass dildos and fuck it with Your cock and Your fist to tear my cock to pieces and squirt the deep pussyjuices out. Then laugh at the shredded meat drenched in cum and piss and kick it until there's nothing but pure blood pouring out.

Chubbies who force this faggot to worship Their cocks throughout as food dribbles down on its pathetic whore mouth make this pitiful shitfuck gracious.

Also need friends.


aLackOfInnocence, 18
I got raped a few weeks ago by two cops when I was drunk and learned some shit about myself.

; I'm a f*ckin hore !!

... and I am very happy for you.


sloppyrentboy, 21
Fuck me until I pass out.
No limits, more brutal and sadistic the better as extreme as possible!!!
Im finishing my final year of schooling and the freedom of adulthood is not for me.
In London but can be chloroformed and taken anywhere.
Get it?!?!


Fartslave001, 23
I like you


p.s. Hey. ** Keaton, Hi. Yeah, yay on the Blogger policy change, but boo on the timing since I spent over two days denuding and de-porning my blog, including this weekend's slave post, for naught. So, yay about the future, but boo. ** David Ehrenstein, Awww, yeah, so sweet. ** Sypha, Hi. Ah, interesting about 'AiA's influence, and I'll happily have had my only reading experience of it filtered through your imagination's strainer and re-inventor. ** _Black_Acrylic, Hi, Ben. That interview with you was way cool, by the way, you charismatic so-and-so. The special thing is non-work related. Well, I mean it could end up doing something that ends up doing something to the work, but it's mostly this rare chance to see something that almost nobody has seen in person. Secret will be revealed to whatever degree the thing allows me once it has been seen. ** Steevee, Hi, S. Very interesting review of the Cronenberg. Even though I haven't seen it (yet), I can fully imagine myself agreeing with you. ** Etc etc etc, Hi, Casey. Oh, it's not a project, as I just told Ben, or, well, I guess the act of just visiting something is a project in a way. Yeah, I'm pretty involved and under the gun with finishing the film right now. And the theater piece. It's all good, though. Bernhard, awesome. Yeah, he's up there with the best of the recent century's best for me. 'Woodcutters' is excellent. He kind of isn't ever not excellent to some high degree. For years I wanted to write a novel in the form of a video game strategy guide, with illustrations and graphs and so on. I was addicted to them for a while. I think a novel in that form could be really exciting. Maybe I'll do that someday. Really interesting to know that about what DFW said re: 'IJ'. Makes me want to read it again. Oh, yeah, I'm thinking about that new tech post.gif novel all the time. Dwelling in that potential realm a lot. Nothing has coagulated yet, though. But, yeah. I definitely want to do at least one more non-text novel in this cycle I'm working on. ** The Dreadful Flying Glove, Holy, wow! Glove! Dude, no way! I was just thinking hard about you not two days ago! So inexpressibly great to see you! Wow! Yeah, it was labor intensive to say the least, and pointlessly so, it turns out, i.e. defanging the blog's past. Oh, well. I think mid-'08 is right on that SPD. I think I might have done another sort of musical one or something? Excellent post-SPD SPD entry, man. Let me ... Everyone, Yesterday, one of the all-time great d.l.s of this blog, the one, the only, the precious Dreadful Flying Glove returned to the fold after a long time away, and he shared what would have been his entry in yesterday's rerun SPD had he entered, and it is this. Please welcome him back with a rewarding click. So, how are you and where are you, man? Are you still in SA? It would be beyond awesome if you can and feel like hanging out here again. T'would be such a boon. Major hugs and big, big love to you, maestro! ** Kier, Hi, ... Kierlossal! Damn, that wasn't a very good try. C+ for effort, at least? Yeah, but Blogger has changed their mind now, which is good, but now it's like I scrubbed and cleansed until my blog was all children-friendly and then the children cancelled on me. Cool, mail me stuff, yes, great! Good idea to move to Oslo irregardless. Or, I don't know, it makes sense in my imagination, but I still think the school(s) will grab you. I'm scraping by too, until Monday, assuming I manage to catch the Fed Ex guy, which isn't easy to do at the Recollets. I think peat is right. I know what peat is. Or ... I know what 'peat moss' is, whatever that is. I mean I've seen peat moss, so peat must be peat moss without the moss part? Yesterday Zac and I spent the day making the promo reel for our film. We're not done with it yet. It's hard to do. It's basically to try to sell our film, and neither one of us is very marketing savvy, and we resist that kind of stuff, not to mention that our film isn't easy to consolidate into some hypey thing. It's a strange, quiet (mostly), poetic, deep thing. We tried stuff, and some things seemed okay, and some didn't. We were told to make something 'sexy' and 'pop', and since our film is neither sexy, albeit flecked with graphic sex, nor pop, it's a tall order. Anyway, we'll surely figure something out today, and I would imagine that the powers that be will want us to redo it anyway, I don't know. We got the final, mixed version of the music we're going to use over the end credits, and it turned out great. There was some back and forth with our producers and with Christophe H., who thinks he should have post-production guys for us to work with by the end of the weekend, fingers crossed. That was kind of it. More a lot like that is scheduled for the weekend and hopefully progress thereby and other stuff too. How did your weekend treat you, pal? ** Cal Graves, Hi. Dendal ... like Stendhal? Like Stendahl but with a 'd' for dastardly and minus an 'h' because I'm less homey? That was the first association that sprang to mind. What?! Those workshop people are morons or something! Oh, no, are they all 'don't think you're smarter or more clever than the historical figures who invented fiction's conventions'? 'Cos the world is full of those boring kind of people who are all full of their boring selves and who will never end up writing anything potentially exciting or important. Go for vindictiveness, in other words, sure. If you want to get Rimbaud's greatness, read 'A Season in Hell', I say. I think that's his masterpiece. 'The Illuminations' is amazing too. Basically, those two long works are far greater than any of his shorter poems, I think. Ha ha, so what musical torture device would I choose? Hm. A mellotron. You? Gold Star-like for Robot Boy-like, Dennis ** Kyler, Hi, K. Wow, sounds intense and mysterious. That's a lot of clashing emotions to try to conceptualize into a single, fluxing state. Well, that's very, very good news about your first novel's official future birth! Hooray and congrats to you and the no doubt fine people at RS! ** Bill, Hi. Yeah, useless surgery. It was some kind of useful technical exercise though, I suppose. Anyway, butts and dicks will be back starting with next month's escorts shebang. Jeffrey Combs: I don't think I know who that is? I'll do the google thing. Thanks, B! ** Okay. You get a weekend full of relatively usually demure slaves this month and, I don't know, pay attention and treat them well and so on and so forth? Seem like a plan? Have excellent Saturdays and Sundays, and I'll see you again on Monday.

Friday, February 27, 2015

Rerun: Untitled Sequence (orig. 11/28/07)

He (April 9, 1942 – July 6, 1972) was an Academy Award-nominated American actor born into a theatrical family in Brooklyn.

He made his much-acclaimed Broadway debut at the age of 7 in The Member of the Wedding and also starred in the 1952 film version.

He also starred in his own television series, Jamie (1953-1954) which, although popular, was cancelled due to a contract dispute.

He made his mark onscreen as an adolescent in the controversial 1959 drama Blue Denim, co-starring Carol Lynley.

Although the only lead actor not to be Oscar-nominated for Hud, he went on stage to accept the Best Supporting Actor trophy for co-star Melvyn Douglas.

He delivered another widely acclaimed performance at the age of 22 as Jere Torry, the screen son of John Wayne in In Harm's Way (1965).

In a career spanning the years 1951 to 1972 (including six Broadway plays and 16 movies), he made his last screen appearance in Wild In The Sky.

He watched as Paul McCartney wrote the song "Wait" during the filming of the Beatles movie Help! and had hoped to embark on a music career.

He asked his friend Gram Parsons to back him in a recording session. Parsons claimed that he sang harmony better than anyone except Emmylou Harris.

He was critically injured in a traffic accident in the Denver suburb of Lakewood on the evening of July 6, 1972.

He was pinned under the wreckage of his motorcycle for some time before being taken to Denver General Hospital. He died 4 hours later.

Gram Parsons and Emmylou Harris later co-wrote a song entitled "In My Hour Of Darkness", whose first verse refers to the accident that killed him.

"Once I knew a young man / Went driving through the night, / Miles and miles without a word / But just his high-beam lights. / Who'd have ever thought they'd build / Such a deadly Denver bend; / To be so strong, to take so long / As it would till the end."

25 years later, most of his films are forgotten. In all of youtube, there's just one clip of him at 7 years old. Almost no one under 50 knows his name.


p.s. Hey. Heads up to those who care about such things that new posts will take over the blog again starting on Tuesday. ** Rigby, Rigster! To what do we owe this vaunted appearance by yours truly? Oh, wait, death, I should have figured, ha ha, whatever that means. (Coffee's just barely starting to kick in.) How are you, dare I ask? Love, me. ** Tomkendall, Hey, Tom! Lima, right, that makes sense. I was there on that aforementioned short term living-in-Peru deal for a few hours, so I have no handle on it. I was almost entirely in the small city called Trujillo. Know it? No big deal in and of itself, but a lot of great archeological stuff around there. Can you teach English? Seems like ex-pats usually end up doing that job. I love Pere Ubu's 'Breath'. Great choice, pal. ** Sypha, Hi. Yeah, that post was basically a graveyard, but graveyards are cool. 'Goners' is awesome, no? I'm sure I'll read the Kim Gordon book 'cos it has to be a page turner. I'm sure I will never read 'Angels in America'. ** Keaton, Wow, 'French Hole', blast from the past. There's all kinds of little clues about the insides of 'TMS' in there. It's almost a strategy guide or something. Ton is a good name. It should catch on. There certainly seem to be people who are not entirely without taste who like the new Marilyn Manson album, so, at the very least, you're probably not insane. ** David Ehrenstein, Those were lovely pix of you happy guys! Awwww, and all of that, sincerely. You guys doing any kind of honeymooning? Awwww, nice marriage-related youtube pick too! ** Steevee, Hi, S. Very interested to read that review. Everyone, mighty Steevee has taken on the latest film by the occasionally mighty David Cronenberg. Latest being 'Maps to the Stars'. Know what he thinks by pressing on these words. Good point about the effect of porn starring on porn's employees. ** Kier, Kier! Ottar's opinion/idea makes a bunch of sense to me, yeah. Yes, sure and please send me the 10 if you would like. I'll be very happy to give you my two-cents. Cool, exciting! The censoring has been tedium central, yep. You're moving too? Why and where ideally? I love Silje. I haven't even met her, but I love her. She sounds really smart or something. Spookily smart. But then I don't know how sheep normally behave or think or anything, and, of course, the stereotype devised by egocentric humans is that they're not the brightest eggs, but then humans can have such boring and self-serving imaginations. My day: Zac and I did film work. We didn't end up starting to work on the promo reel because we need to get the film 'image locked', as they say, meaning edited to a final state other than the sound and color work, before we do the post-, which we hope to start doing any day now, so we went through the film again and made some very, very last edits, just tiny stuff like adding or subtracting a second or a little more or less from a handful of shots. But that took a while. We'll start on the promo reel today. Uh, oh, we had good news because we have kind of needed to finish the film before we go to the West Coast, and we're going for this very special thing that I probably shouldn't talk about, and it was scheduled to happen on the 13th, which would have given us only two weeks to finish the film, which is basically unrealistic. So I contacted the special thing people, and they agreed to delay the thing two weeks, so now we'll have a month here to finish the film, which is totally doable if we find our color and sound editors soon. What else ... oh, I used my ATM card somewhere recently that got hacked or something, so my card got cancelled, and I have to wait for the new one to arrive to be able to withdraw money or buy anything, so I'll be living on the cash in my wallet for hopefully only a few days, which should be doable. And I spent the leftover time cleaning the blog's past life of porn and nudity, and I think that, as of this morning, it's 'clean' although Im sure accidentally missed a bunch of stuff because I realized while doing the cleaning that I used to post porn here a lot in the blog's early days, and often under poetic, non-porn names, so I would imagine I missed things. Anyway, here's hoping I've gotten the blog up to Blogger's new code, and we'll see. Uh, I think that covers yesterday. How did you spend the current 24 hours that humans have decided to call 'today'? ** Cal Graves, Howdy, Cal! Good to see you! Thank you for the luck, man. I should be okay, but probably only with the help of luck like yours. Rimbaud questions, okay. I found Rimbaud when I was 15 because I read an interview in Rolling Stone where Bob Dylan talked about him, and I was into Bob Dylan at the time. I'm pretty sure the first Rimbaud book I read was this one. My favorite Rimbaud book in English is this book/translation. Do you have Rimbaud discovery memories or book opinions, 'cos I'd be interested? Awakening-via-a-cup-of-you-ly, Dennis. ** Misanthrope, It was indeed our old pal Koes handling the duties on that post, yes! Well, your question is tough 'cos I would guess 90+ percent of porn stars leave the biz and have lives that we will never know about, but I can say that I've known a fair number of guys who've done porn work for some length of time beginning back in the '70s, and not a one of them were casualties of porn. The great majority were as 'normal' as you and me. It just interested them enough to have sex on film to use it as a money maker. Some of them were fucked up, but their fucked-up-ness preceded and transcended their porn work. I don't see porn as a soul sucker and destroyer of the performers. Where do you get that? I mean, there have been people who've done porn whose lives ended badly, and they get the press, but, really, how do you know that it was the porn work that doomed them and not something more overall and deep in them? Casualties make a lot noise, and the porn stars who then just move on to do other things don't. Most people who star in porn for a while don't become name-recognition stars. They're just making money with their bodies for a while. I guess I don't see how porn work inherently = casualty any more than being a musician in a band = casualty, even though the musicians who end up crashing get the post-fame ink. That equation doesn't make sense to me, I guess. You did tell me that story before, but I liked reading it again. I think my only crash-out at a rock show was at a Melvins concert where a couple of guys tried to beat the shit out of me and a couple of friends. They mostly just ripped our clothes and got us kicked out of the venue, and it was mostly fun. ** Right. I found this old post in the blog's past and kind of thought it was nice, so I'm passing it on to you again for better or worse. See you tomorrow.

Thursday, February 26, 2015

Rerun: Xkj presents and hosts ... Musical Self-Portrait Day (orig. 01/26/08)

Hey everyone,

as you see here is the self portrait day you all contributed to. I'm really happy and grateful that so many people participated. I wanted to apologise as well to a few people who's emails I missed, I mean I think I left a question or two unanswered. My mistake, and I'm sorry. But I think the turn out is pretty amazing. It's funny, whenever I meet someone new I have the urge to make that person a mixdisc. A sort of 'hi nice to meet you... this is what I feel, what I feel about myself... and hope it moves you like it does move me' if that makes sense. Over the years I have received in return alot of nice mix tapes as well.To me, it enhances impressions I have of people. And after starting the first SPD about 2 years ago with (self) photographs it's good to hear everyone now. Thanks dennis for having a day like this. take care everyone and please don't stop the music.



5 musical selves (in particular disorder)

1. The Beloved One
Einstuerzende Neubauten: Fiat Lux
mediafire link
One part of this long song ends with the lines, 'Wer von uns beiden, wer von uns beiden ist der Geliebte?' ('Who of us both, who of us both, is the beloved one?') I am, well, the subject and the object of that question I suppose. And the word that is repeated a thousand times in the last part is 'Hirn-Lego' ('brain lego').

2. Someone who happened to find himself defined as a freak
The Notwist: One with the Freaks
mediafire link
Strange how little it took (from my point of view) to become one of 'them'... And it's not a nice, Rimbaud-like experience, believe me.

3. The Insatiable
Prefab Sprout: Appetite
mediafire link
'In which case I'll name you after me...'

4. Simply the One Who Listened to this Song Sheena Ringo, Gips mediafire link

None of these songs is among my favorites, but I do like them and I've chosen them because I recognize in them something which defines me. This one in particular is not exactly a great song, but has been included for the reason that I listened to it on endless repeat between the day of my first date with my present girlfriend & love of my life, and the day when she first kissed me (which was on our 3rd date, about 1 month later). And it brings back the thrill of dose days every time I listen to it again.

5. The Friendly Voice of Desparation (and Cynicism, at times)
Pavement: Fight This Generation
mediafire link
The song title speaks for itself I guess.


If every gay white male imagines he's secretly harboring the spirit of a fierce black diva, mine is Eartha Kitt.

C'est Si Bon
I want to be evil
Usku Dara
I love Men
Where Is My Man?
It's All About Sex
Cha Cha Heels (with Bronski Beat)
Love For Sale
All By Myself

And finally, from Fostbraedur:
An Icelandic Comedy Sketch about Eartha Kitt

David Ehrenstein

Marianne Faithful: "Song For Nico"


These women are me.

Cheers, David Ehrenstein

Cody Reding

Short Thingy: I guess I would call myself a music addict and so I feel obliged to make a music self portrait. There was too much music to choose from though. I picked the best songs that describe me off the top of my head though. Anyway enjoy. From, Cody

Tony O'Neill

sendspace link

This is collection of songs that all have personal resonance to me, or that formed the soundtrack to vital moments in my life. Each song on here sends a chill up my spine, or can transport me immediately to a specific place: some good, and some bad. This is the soundtrack to growing up, breaking down, fucking up, getting clean, starting over. The whole shebang. The hardest part was keeping it down to 15 songs…

Track Listing

Holes by Mercury Rev
Breaking Glass by David Bowie
Beaming by Scientist
Loomer by My Bloody Valentine
Las Vegas Man by Suicide
Glass by Joy Division
Animal Nitrate by Suede
Evergreen by The Brian Jonestown Massacre
Marijuana In My Soul by Ranking Dread
Babies by Pulp Skag Lover by The White Sport
No Xmas For John Quays by The Fall
Vertigo by The Libertines
Made Of Stone by The Stone Roses

Joe M


Text: I've just discovered that many people think the 'you' in Perfect Day is Heroin. I don't agree. I think it's about this:


Pavement's 'Range Life'
Too bad "fuck" is bleeped.


Math T

the math t ep
download it track-by-track incl album art- here
download the whole thing in a .zip- here

my musical tastes are easy but specific,
guitars: jangly, quick
percussion: intuitive
singers: fey, worldly, boyish
symbology: the Brit<->American eternal

01 Sister, I'm a Poet by Morrissey
i startle every listen, 'no reason to talk about the books i read but still i do', 'long long alone waiting at the light but not this time'. a song that's showed me more things about myself than i can count. it also has my favorite pop song mannerism, a title that completes a lyric [the word 'poet' is absent from the song].

02 Harborcoat by R.E.M. [live in germany 1985]
flaunts access to some symbolic language that i thrill to just barely recognize.

03 Last Post on the Bugle by the Libertines
holy riff + perfect words, an anthem disguised as a jig, 'caught up in a phrase as they led him away.'

04 Add It Up by Violent Femmes
clearly the greatest song ever written about math.

05 Ceremony played by New Order [original by Joy Division]
cautious hope incarnate. perfectly heterosexual + great to dance to = beautiful and rare.

06 Make Me Smile played by Erasure [original by Steve Harley + Cockney Rebels]
the outro to humankind's existence. everybody sing!

07 Sister Ray by the Velvet Underground
and i came of age to this one thousand million times

Scott Coffey

i was a lonely freckled kid living on maui with my mom and her new boyfriend on maui, halfway up the extinct volcano - sometimes in the clouds. we lived in this new circular wooden almost cliche mid 1970s house with a wraparound deck that had amazing views of the rest of the island. inside were white stucco walls that a nail wouldn't stay in unless you found a stud so i'd have to tape my movie posters up. my room was huge with dark blue shag carpeting that smelled like how i imagined peoples houses on the mainland must smell. i stuck everything into the corner my bed, my records... i smoked pot and fell asleep every night listening to the "rock" station - pink floyd, led zeppelin and dreck like foreigner, kansas, styx, bad company and the occasional bliss of jagger belting something out for me to jack off to but otherwise a desert. one night i was really fucking almost halucinagenically stoned on the pot i stole from my mom's boyfriend's underwear drawer and i was watching this short-lived bad variety comedy show on ABC called Fridays -- ABC's answer to saturday night live and suddenly this happened......

i was never the same. i cut off my long leaf garret feathered hair in the mirror that night, to the horror of my mother, and went to the record store an hour away and bought london calling. the big hawaiian dude that worked there let me take the london calling poster home with me. that record changed everything for me -- what music could be, how i could feel - simultaneously tough and fey (compared to the absurd exaggerated masculine charade of the stupid surfers i lusted after.) and that "anger could be power" and "he who fucked nuns will later join the church" and "revolution rock"...... joe strummer became my hero but i wanted to smell Paul Simonon and i smeared myself with cum thinking about his voice and lips and the image of him smashing his bass on the cover of london calling..... and this....

Mark Gluth

mediafire link

I had a lot of time to think about this SPD, so after various drafts I settled on the idea of creating a mix tape that I would make for folks to let them know what kind of music I'm into. Like something I'd give to a new friend. Here it is:

Track 1: If We Wait - Guided By Voices. The electric guitar during the second chorus/fade out moves me beyond almost any other moment in art that I've been exposed to. I think I understand what ecstatic truth is when I hear this song.

Track 2: Farrar, Straus, and Giroux (Sea Of Tears) - Destroyer. I had a feverish dream that I was listening to this song and it moved me to tears. Then in the dream i was writing on this blog that I had a dream that I was moved to tears while listening to this song.

Track 3: The Dust You Kick Up Is Too Fine - Sunset Rubdown. I love it when lyrics apparently mean so much so much to the the singer but are a puzzle to the listener. Also, this song is as an argument as any for the the genius of Spencer Krug's singing voice.

Track 4: Siege Of Antioch - Uziq. This song does everything right to my ears.

Track 5: Alan And Dawn - Benoit Pioulard. I think this guy's is a genius, and I think this is his best song.

Track 6: Archangel - Burial. when the bass part comes in, this song just kills me.

Track 7: Are You Swimming In Her Pools? - Swan Lake. Spencer Krug's second and final appearance on this list. The dude's voice moves me.

Track 8: Mona Ride - Greg Ashley - Just a haunting little track from an overlooked album. I could listen to hours of this type of simple, sad, haunted, lofi indie rock. Like most things, the vocals and the structure are key.

Track 9: The City - Marmoset. Marmoset are godlike and this song is full of secrets I've yet to unlock.

Track 10: The Girl's Of Summer - Arab Strap. I think this is song sums up what Arab Strap did perfectly.

Track 11: Something On Your Mind - Karen Dalton. This is the newest to me but oldest by release date song here. Her voice is amazing and I wonder why she never saw more success when she was alive.

Track 12: Kangaroo - Xiu Xiu. A cover, one of my fave songs by them. the perfect way to end this list.


link to mix cd


"Wherever you go I will be carcass Whatever you see will be rotting flesh Humanity recovered glittering etiquette Answers her crimes with Mausoleum rent"

JG Ballard sample: “I wanted to rub the human face in its own vomit, and force it to look in the mirror”

"A moving aria for a vanished style of mind A noble debut tackling vertiginous demands Has absence ever sounded so eloquent so sad I doubt it?"

"Take a hollowpoint revolver
Shoot down the rapids of your heart
Blow the fucking thing apart
Blow the fucking thing apart"

"So many blazing orchids burning in your throat Making you choke, making you sigh, Sigh in tiny deaths... So Melt!"

1984 sample: "I hate purity. Hate goodness. I don't want virtue to exist anywhere. I want everyone corrupt.

"I am an architect, they call me a butcher
I am a pioneer, they call me primitive
I am purity, they call me perverted
holding you but I only miss these things when they leave
I am idiot drug hive, the virgin, the tattered and the torn
life is for the cold made warm and they are just lizards
self-disgust is self-obsession honey and I do as I please
a morality obedient only to the cleansed repented
I am stronger than Mensa, Miller and Mailer I spat out Plath and Pinter
I am all the things that you regret
a truth that washes that learnt how to spell
the first time you see yourself naked you cry
soft skin now acne, foul breath, so broken
he loves me truly this mute solitude I'm draining
I know I believe in nothing but it is my nothing
sleep can't hide the thoughts splitting through my mind
shadows aren't clean, false mirrors, too many people awake
if you stand up like a nail then you will be knocked down
I've been too honest with myself I should have lied like everybody else
I am stronger than Mensa, Miller and Mailer
I spat out Plath and Pinter
I am all the things that you regret
truth that washes that learnt how to spell, learnt to spell
so damn easy to cave in, man kills everything
so damn easy to cave in, man kills everything
so damn easy to cave in, man kills everything
so damn easy to cave in, man kills everything."

"I'm becoming less defined, as days go by
Fading away, well you might say I'm losing focus
Kind of drifting into the abstract in terms of how I see myself
Sometimes, I think I can see right through myself
Sometimes, I think I can see right through myself
Sometimes, I can see right through myself

Less concerned, about fitting into the world
Your world that is, cause it doesn't really matter anymore
(No, it doesn't really matter anymore) No, it doesn't really matter anymore
None of this really matters anymore

Yes, I am alone, but then again I always was
As far back as I can tell, I think maybe it's because
Because you were never really real to begin with
I just made you up to hurt myself"

Nico (1984): "A true artist must self-destruct."


These songs represent most of the bullshit that's made up my past year. I love them. Catharsis or whatever.

Elvis Costello has been my favorite since I was a wee. 'I Hope You're Happy Now' says it all by it's title, then Elvis says it more.

Box dot whatever switched my initial ordering of the songs, so fuck that. Bear with me.

American Mars is my favorite Detroit band. Their new record, 'Western Sides,' means a lot to me. 'Democracity' is a stand-out.

Mark Eitzel and American Music Club remain some of the most excellent and unrecognized artists in the medium of sound. 'I'll Be Gone' tags Eitzel's singing voice. It makes me cry almost every hearing.

Bryan Ferry's 'Another Time, Another Place' .... well, what can be said? Genius.

The Dexateens are a new band for me. 'Fingertips' caps their last record, and snags most of my emotions. (Fuck those emotions.) They just rock.

Finch just rocks, as well. A short-lived boy-metal band. Gorgeous stuff. 'Without You Here' makes too much sense; but I'm the romantic type even when I'm jilted.

'There's too Much Love' by Belle and Sebastian is a song I danced to with my dogs and cats, but not the Ex-boyfriend. How can someone not enjoy a B & S concert I flew him out to LA to see? What a dick. What a great song.


imeem link

my playlist is essentially a list of songs that i've been completely obsessed with in the past six months or so, listening to them on repeat for days or weeks on end until i got sick of them, plus "my sweet lord/today is a killer" by nina simone because it's my favorite song of all time. "we hold the land in great esteem" is my second favorite. but yeah, all these songs are totally amazing!

Dennis Cooper

Today I feel like this song is by me.

Alice in Chains

It was too hard to pick my all time favourite songs and there were too many to songs that have had profound impacts on me. So this is just twelve songs that I thought might sound appealing together, it also lasts roughly the length of one side of a cassette. I did however take ages selecting these, I had a potential playlist 100 songs long that I kept chipping back until it was a manageable twelve. Big Star, Sonic Youth and Television all lost out last minute. I then spent a while deliberating over the order to put them in; time well spent though, such is the joy of making a mixtape.

1 James White and The Blacks – Stained Sheets
2 The Books – Be Good To Them Always
3 The Modern Lovers – Hospital
4 Half Man Half Biscuit – Twenty Four Hour Garage People
5 The Adverts - Bored Teenagers
6 Big Black – He’s a Whore
7 Teenage Fanclub – Like A Virgin
8 The Wedding Present – Always The Quiet One
9 The Replacements – Sixteen Blue
10 Suicide – Ghost Rider
11 Casiotone For The Painfully Alone – Young Shields
12 Fleetwood Mac – Man of the world

Michael Karo

perhaps my favorite song ever. it's short, interesting and weird, just like me!

how ironic that my LEAST favorite musician in the world (phil collins) plays on this song. for a detailed analysis of the song from eric tamm's "brian eno: his music and the vertical color of sound" click on the image below.

eno as a sexy bitch:


sendspace link
Whenever someone asks me a question along the lines of what my favorite music is, I always draw a blank, and I'm tempted to ask if I can go and look at my records before answering. Since I have trouble with this, I'm submitting a tiny list of some of my favorite songs from this moment, right now, in no particular order, as my self-portrait.

Black Peter
mediafire link
here are 2 pics n 1 link of song that i made w my band for my self portrait assesment.
song CAKE sums it up: "Im gonna have my cake and im gonna eat too i dont see nothing wrong with that if its something i want to do"


zshare link

This mix addresses my inability to express my unquenchable desire for a girl verbally. It was made in los angeles california while I was on a trip visiting friends. All of the records included were purchased or found on the same trip to la. Its push button style, but recorded into audacity. I really like it because it addressed me so personally.... all of the records i bought on the trip were purchased without consideration for making her,ali, a mix... but then i searched through the 40 or so pieces of vinyl i had to find some reflection of my love in their grooves. This mix is also interesting to me because it was put together with me keeping in mind her love for a canon of classics (mitchell, dylan, stevens) that i dont usually get very into. So i listened to all of these albums that I found at my friends house and tried to find tracks to include. Theres also an original production, the second to last song- it flips a vocal sample from a joni mitchel song and then reworks it into a hyper edited drum pattern...... This seemed like a great climax to the mix because it combined our two interests......... Theres also a kind of grand narrative or trajectory- me emerging from my insular IDM-y interests, my lonelyness, and then my aopropriation of these other voices to express this explicit sexual desire and then everything kind of cascades down


it's the third track here
it's called "Walking the foodmiles".
"This is a new demo by my band Plus ( The words are from a notebook where I wrote down things that came into my head while watching old sci-fi movies on TV and reflecting on the state of the planet right now. So it's a stream-of-consciousness, but an environmentally conscious stream..."


yousendit link
rubber toy - ivor cutler


Track 1:
"stay on the beat" (guy blackman, live with sly hats on 2SER FM, Sydney, November 2007):
sharebee link
this was me and geoff/sly hats on the radio late last year, after getting home from our first world tour...we sound tired but attuned to each other. the song is about my experiences with my boyfriend in japanese gay bars in 2003-2004. more information:

Track 2:
"fall again" (kath bloom, live at Cafe Nine, New Haven CT, November 2006)

kath bloom is my favourite living songwriter, and to me the fact that i put out her music on my label Chapter doesn't compromise this sentiment in any way. more information:

Chris Goode

mediafire link
I gave myself a limit of eight tracks, because like all good middle-class Brits, I'm hardwired to think in terms of eight-disc lists. I expect everyone will say the same thing: how difficult, and fascinating, this task was; and how everything shifts at the point that you realise that just a bunch of songs you really like won't necessarily add up to a self-portrait. So: I could try and explain the process behind arriving at this final selection. I could easily and happily write a thousand words about each of these tracks, the people and the times and the ideas that they bundle together. But for once, I'm going to err on the side of saying less than everything, and closer to nothing.

Brendan Hamilton



watch watch 2

It's hard to describe the appeal of The Knife, probably because I think they're genius and the more I listen/see them, the deeper the constellation of their ideas, music & visuals can get. Their music is composed of distortions, which interests me. Lot of times you'll hear Karin Dreijer's vocals pitchshifted, and apparently for Silent Shout (2006) Olof Dreijer used this music software which distorted and "changed the shape of" a sound over a particular period of time. They have a reclusive weirdness about them, which is part of their unique vision. If you listen to the lyrics closely, you'll get to the outer limits of pop: a defiant, weird, synthesized trail of being hungry, being sad, being in love, being anything extreme.

Particularly in their last album, Silent Shout (2006), The Knife tells a story of post-apocalyptic, electro-tribal, commercial-confused radioactive innocence. Their videos are half-awake dreams with bizarre elements, like a transexual serenading a group of thugs, a creature with a paper-plaster face dreaming of another creature and talking about this dream of losing it's teeth and being half woman/half man, a herd of mingling sheep at night.

I read an interview where The Knife said one of it's biggest influences for Silent Shout, their third album, was David Lynch, whose movies they watched ceaselessly while creating the album. They were particularly influenced by the scene in 'Mulholland Drive' with Betty and Rita crying in the middle of the night at a clandestine theater, listening to Rebecca del Rio sing. I wasn't surprised by this conduit for the imagination, and I've also been long mesmerized by that scene (and Lynch) too. Like Badalamenti's chords, The Knife (especially with their limited live show in 2007) explore this mode of feeling that (for me) is like the chapel for a youth culture that's dominated by atheists. It's entirely now, and there's a lot of punchy yearning in it's system. The Knife just have this way of getting inside of the confusion of our sensory organs & laying them flat on the table for view. They have this way of pulling out and layering odd, jambled pulses and chords that are cold and Scandinavian, wintry and really vital. If I had to post a picture of The Knife to represent the inspiration I feel when I'm listening to them, it would be something like a stark empty plain, probably in Northern Sweden, some cornstalks lining one side, a crow in the distance, a black night bright sky holding a few remote stars in it, and a figure somewhere far off with an unusual mask and a long black trenchcoat, holding just as much mystery and disturbance, as mania and glee.

JW Veldhoen

I picked her up at a hotel across from the art school, she had needle marks and wore a yellow slicker and a Thor t-shirt, and she had her gold hair in pony-tails, but she was Japanese. I hired her off Craigslist as a participant in a ww4m that I said I was looking for. I was expecting a blond Asian but I wasn't expecting her to be like Kathleen Hanna crossed Aika Miura. DATY+PSE+Greek.

You all look the same. Caucasians.
Cock, Asian, I say. My eyes grow blue when I stare. I point her a contorted finger.
I'm sorry?
You heard me!

She smiles and pulls on her bag and takes out a phone and tells me she has to make a call to check in with her agency. I listen for whatever code might pass for a creepy weirdo alert but she says something in Japanese at the end that I don't understand.

My name is Cammy she exhales, as I told the agency to tell her to say, with a fragrant nicotine, and I wonder aloud if I was too forward, and she called for her security, and she says no, she's sure of my signs, and what I want. I ask her what I want and she says to put my cock up her ass for $400, which is only half right. We walk to the train and go to a town past a dozen freeway overpasses and then we walk in to the woods until we get to a decrepit tower that is filled with leaves and the musk of abandoned years. I break us into a stairwell covered in graffiti and littered with cigarettes and condoms and we climb to the penthouse. The hall is dark and the room at the end opens to a view of the ocean. This is one of the few abandoned buildings of this size that still has windows, and I know I'm writing this because I'm writing in a style, and I'm saying nothing with Cammy because she doesn't exist but as a sign that only she is sure of. It isn't my intention to break your belief or unbelief either way on this, so I shouldn't say, I don't want to be considered too forward.

Some point I am making again and writing within a certain frame of literary production, shall we say. I don't hate anyone who perverted my hate. This happens because I say so. This is happening because I say so. I'm not doing this for anybody or because of anything. There is nobody waiting for us and she asks when the other girl will arrive. They told her we were going somewhere abandoned, so it seems stupid for her to be surprised when I shoot her in the foot. I don't like the trend towards sudden violence as a reader and tend to question it as an expression of power by a neutered voice, and in this case I'd be right.

I've written this before. I'm repeating myself and others, but I'm writing this because it keeps happening.

She's tied up and I've got my hand covered in her shit and now I have it in her mouth and now I 'm feeding my cock into her ass and now her hands are turning purple from hanging off the pull-up bar I installed prior to this, and now I'm punching her like a husk on a hook, and her ribs break easily and softly, and turn purple, and now she is bleeding inside, and now her front teeth are gone, and her eyelid is shut, and I have to stop to get some rest. I'm not imitating or imagining anything. I'm not lecturing you. This is not a failure of imagination or my inability to analyze the components of my desire. I disagree
that hate is perverse, and I don't believe I am mirroring. I don't believe in mirrors. I am not a vampire. This is not an ego orgasm. I came in her ass, twice. She was alive the first time. This is still not enough, this is an old trope, it isn't true, the insight facile, if non-existent, the transference that occurs is merely message, repetitively misogynistic, and I've already done Étant donnés in my writing. And I obviously have mixed feelings on Goethe, that Nihil humani a me alienum puto. Now I've put cheese in her snatch like Bret Easton Ellis, and now I'm sawing her in half like one of DC's Guro. I'm not doing this and the point has already been put at bay again, and again, and again, and this self-portrait has worn so thin as to make me very tired, as though I've approached the end of something, like the end of the line, but this thought isn't very original, and now I'm watching myself in the mirror, to my surprise, and I look tired, hunched over, typing with a pack of cards scattered everywhere, the ace of hearts and the ace of spades nearest both of my hands. Her body smells like Eritrea, and I've never been to Eritrea, but you must trust signs, because everything means something other than what it seems to mean and when the words come they must be said, except if you mind the repetition. I have to stop writing this because I'm writing this again.

I'm asked: So, your writing is pretty fucked-up?
Writing now is fucked-up, so I dunno.

I'm not sure what copyright means when I have come on my hands. I wrote my first novel because I lied and said I started a novel and when I was asked about it I said it was called Tiles because that was the first thing I saw when I was asked and I liked bands and titles that were slack.

This didn't take me much to write and I didn't think about it for very long before I wrote it. Maybe I procrastinated for a few days, but otherwise.

This song is by Aural Exciters, I don't know anything about it but I like it. I stole the picture with the Google search anal lollipop.

Winter Rates

mix tape download link
Winter Rate's Musical Self Portrait Mix Tape Track List & Liner Notes.

1. the who - a quick one
the who was my first favorite rock and roll band. this was about third grade and the older kids in the neighborhood were blasting "The Kids Are Alright" album in their garage. I have it on vinyl now but the version of "a quick one" on that is from the rolling stones rock and roll circus. you can see why they didn't want to release that t.v. show after the who blew them away. this is the studio version. it can make me cry.

2. pink floyd - set the controls for the heart of the sun (live on the radio)
after the who i went thru my cerebral pink floyd phase. i was really hooked on "the wall" thru jr .high but when i discovered their early psychedelic work i was a believer. from the moment i heard the early floyd i knew i'd have many years of drug use ahead of me.

3. butthole surfers - whirling hall of knives
i discovered the buttholes when i was in 8th grade via thrasher magazine. they had a rad interview. i went to the local mall record store and bought rembrandt pussyhorse, their latest album, on vinyl. i later worked at this store and had to systematically box up and send back all the vinyl, and then all the cassettes without barcodes...which is how i discovered mudhoney (see below). the butthole's mix of punk, classic rock, and psychedelica was my kind of alchemy. i still consider them my favorite band.. smoke a fat one and listen to this on headphones, with the right weed you'll levitate. and they scared me in the right way. i saw 'em in nyc in '88 when i was 15 at the porno theater that travis bickle takes cybil shepard in taxi driver. amazing.

4. bob dylan - girl from the north country
i grew up on the jersey shore in the suburbs. i went to an all boys catholic high school which was out in the sticks. my friend used to drive me to school before i had my license, it was at least a 30 minute drive but he took the long way on the back roads thru the farms, we'd always watch these cool ducks on this frozen pond. we'd smoke a joint and listen to tunes. freewheelin' bob dylan was a favorite. the harmonica solo would last FOREVER when we were stoned and it panned back in forth between the speakers in his honda civic hatchback with the kick ass alpine stereo.

5. velvet underground - what goes on
when i was working at the record store mentioned above i had the world's coolest boss. rick mcmorrow. he turned me onto most of the things i'm into today. including these guys. best guitar tone ever. i wish i could find him. he was a couple years younger than me now (i'm 34) and i was 17 and impressionable. also the first openly gay man i ever knew.

6. mudhoney - this gift
working at the record store we had to send back tapes without barcodes. i liked this band name, the song titles, and the look. longhairs who weren't hippies. like me at the time. this was '89. i stole this and put it in the tape deck of my friend's pick up truck. whoa. all their shit was out of tune and off key and i loved it. soon i learned words like sub pop and grunge. soundgarden and nirvana, who i saw the day before nevermind came out in '91. but mudhoney will always be my favorite grunge band and this is the first tune i heard. 7. big star - kangaroo i was trippin' balls on mushrooms in college, and not in a good way. my drunk friend frankie barged in and took over the stereo, and saved me and changed my life. 8. pavement - summer babe love at first fucking spin. never has a band so instantly struck a chord. 9. the modern lovers - girlfriend i used to work at harvard med. school library and i would walk thru the fenway everyday to get there. on my way home from work i often stopped at the museum of fine arts. when i finally took my beloved to the fenway and sang this song to her (a song i put on a mixed tape for her when i fell in love) i wept. i'm a weeper. (the fenway is a park with these cool public gardens, as opposed to fenway park nearby)

10. 11. neutral milk hotel - king of the carrot flowers pt. 1, 2, 3
my friend gave me this vinyl for my wedding and it was the first thing i put on when i woke up dazed and confused as a married man. i wept tears of joy.

12. trumans water - aroma of gina arnold
these guys are my best friends and this song rules. dennis likes 'em too and i'm over a year over due on a trumans water day for his blog.

13. the bugs - fuckin' a right
these guys are my best friends and this song rules

14. panda bear - comfy in nautica
this is the most recent music that really impressed me.


15. the lawn - queen of the radiant salamander

this was the rock band i was in for 6 years. no self portrait would be complete without it. i wrote and "sang" this one. title is a Vollmann reference. i gave him a cd once and he drew a cool salamander queen in my copy of "royal family". i doubt he ever listened to it. i don't think he's much of a rock and roll fan.

16. the people's tongue - really junky (the saga continues)
i'm still in this "band" and i immodestly like what we do a lot. white people shouldn't rap.

17. the geese - cal's requiem
this is me on guitar and lyrics, my wife on heavenly pipes.

at this point i can only cry about all the omissions. thx so much dennis and especially Koes for all the work for this SPD. listening to this mix now and realizing that i should have never started with two epic long songs, the a d d folks usually crap out... this one is for the die hards.



I was thinking that this mix doesn't truly capture where I've been at recently...then I made the cover for it (in the zip file w/the mp3's). The cover is of a Ben Shahn lithograph I inherited from my mother. It was an anniversary present from my father to her in 1971 and now hangs in my living room. That's when I realized that the mix did indeed reflect what's been going on somewhere in my subterranean depths. Memory, longing, and reflection...ultimately, wishful thinking wed to the pragmatic...enough time has passed through my days to make me wish that some parts of these ideas would take on an obscure impermanence...hence,"Nothing Ever Lasts". But then this mix gives the lie to that, now doesn't it.

Much of the music on this mix recalls a time that only exists in my imagination. Of course, each song has a real place in my time, and I love all the songs for various reasons...but overall, they just signal a moment when I went on auto-pilot and found a mix in my head...a moment passed away...a snapshot now concrete and questionable.

So, here I am, concrete and questionable. I made this SP for all of you in thanks. Hope you enjoy at least some of it. Heliotrope05...Mark


mediafire link

A Lonely Chord – Tsunami Bomb

This song is mostly about trying to find yourself and it really relates to my struggles of trying to find myself and determine a path for myself in the world.

Negative One to Ten – Tsunami Bomb

Focuses on the importance of music, this song really just reinforces how much a favorite song or even a song you only hear once, can make an impact on your life. I have quite a few experiences like that, and new music that speaks to me is always so cool.

20 going on … - Tsunami Bomb

Granted I'm 21 now, but again this song just speaks about coming of age, finding your place, not giving up, not fucking around and realizing your potential.

Vivo per Lei – Andrea Bocelli

'I live for her', not exactly the best since I'm gay but its just a beautiful song of devotion and just ultimate love. Something I may not have currently, but know exists and that romanticism is a part of my life.

Apology Song – Decemberists

The reason I chose this one is pretty simple, childhood mistakes, but fessing up and apologizing. I have the habit of often apologizing for things that I have no control and no fault over, very very frequently.

I Like Pretending – IAMX

Simple enough this song relates how I feel about the importance of fiction and being able to step away when everything gets too much. Also and how the line of fact and fiction is always so thin.

Laundry Day – The Action Design

This song is more of a cautionary note for me, it's about making sure you think about where you're really going in life, what you really want out of it, and just making sure that you take those chances and seize it.

The Scissors Game – The Action Design

Just a little bit of scorn, not something that's a big part of me, but something that is there. I've been betrayed lied to and let down enough that there are plenty of people that make me feel this way.

Jupiter – Holst

Jupiter, by far my favorite of the 7 planets. Instrumentals are a bit harder to explain their relation to life, but its soft spoken but deeply powerful sounds speak to me and mimic a personal sense of strength yet gentility.

Pain – Mitsumune Shinkichi

An intriguing and slightly mysterious jazz track, again instruments seem to convey emotions better than lyrics, and this felt right.

Black Sheep – Sneaker Pimps

This song is pretty clear from the title, its not something I really relish on, or focus on, but its still a part of me and should be included as a portrait of myself. Not only of my family, but in general, and its something I'm working over.

In the Waiting Line – Zero 7

Another song here that's just about my life as it is just kind of a shuffle from one place to another. Just how culture and most of life is a rush to hurry up and wait.

Take the Reins – Tsunami Bomb

Another Tsunami bomb track, and hits along the same common themes. This one is more of a 'hey, you think you know everything, think about it, and actually get out and live life." This just reflects my struggle and pushing for independence and freedom, and how its obtainable and more than you think.


hello everybody!

this hafler trio-track inspired me many times. and sometimes i mix some tracks around it, as i did today!
i hope you enjoy it even if it is a little dark (or perhaps not dark enough)!

yours uli

mediafire link

The Hafler Trio - Alternation, Perception and Resistance It would seem that still after all these years perception is essentially thought to be a passive process. This view supports the notion that the redifinition of these terms is long overdue. This can only be accomplished if we take the leap into integrating all the aspects of our interaction and utilisation of the world and all that it contains. This method, which provides the only true form of communication, involves the crystallisation of information through all the sensory channels. Viewed from only one angle, or separating one element from another, we are left with only flat, two-dimensional ideas. This addition of one more element is an improvement, but the structure is still outside us. We must move, alarming though this may be to some, to the realm of conscious form, to the allegory and to the element of participation in information. We may no longer dissect our world in secluded laboratories, thinking we have found in a test-tube the laws by which the world turns. W hat then must be done to bring this state of affairs into being? Firstly we must break down and dig up the roots of the misconceptions already in place.

It may seem that this is happening already but all this is no more than a stream of happy accidents with no aim, no connection. We must then dredge what remains of the material to be used in this vision of communication on higher levels and re-present it to ourselves so that we may realise just how important our task is. We must then open up the channels. but all at once: there must be no weeds to choke our carefully nursed crops, and, we must wait for the harvest. Let us begin this process immediately with a demonstration of what effects can be created with the simple use of electrical angle realisation. It must be stressed that the more conscious effort the viewer puts into the exercise, the deeper will be the understanding of the material employed. Perhaps by now you are already thinking that you are beginning to speak this language of direct perception. But perhaps you are not... Imagine a light pulse, sent out from a source in the direction of the motion of the source. If you can transfer the result of thus in your mind to other forms of information... The senses which make us up are like machines in a factory. They are quite capable of working in the dark, but work much better when candles are lit in the room in which they are installed. But when electric lighting is installed, their efficiency improves further, and when the shutters of the factory windows are flung open, and daylight is allowed to enter, the machines work at maximum efficiency. But the fact remains that only the manager of the factory can pull the switches.

Thomas Moronic

“Due to dull technical crap, I couldn’t upload MP3s this week, so I made a video mixtape.

Le Tigre – Keep On Livin’
Sonic Youth – Pink Steam
Sonic Youth have been my favourite band since my early teens. I like how it never feels like they’re past their best. So I chose one of their most recent songs to show that.
My Bloody Valentine – Only Shallow
Slowdive – Alison
Husker Du – Could You Be the One?
• Ideally I would have liked to put up something from Bob Mould’s solo album The Last Dog & Pony Show, maybe Who Was Around, or Moving Trucks, but there was none of that stuff on Youtube. So I’ve chose this Husker Du track which is taken from my favourite album of theirs (Warehouse). I got this CD for £2.50 in a second hand record shop when I was fifteen and it’s never gotten old.
The Smiths – Reel Around the Fountain My favourite Smiths song, which is saying something. The most perfect lyrics ever.
Nick Cave & the Bad Seeds – There She Goes, My Beautiful World:
Hard to choose a favourite Nick Cave track. I like this video because he gets the words a little muddled in a fun – so-into-the-performance-it-doesn’t-matter kind of way.
Lou Reed – Caroline Says II
The best song from the Berlin record.
Antony & the Johnsons – You Are My Sister
Reminds me sitting with two very special people after a party that lasted two days. We were all still fucked, slowly coming down and wide awake. Everyone else had left twelve hours ago but because of the drugs we were still wide awake. One of my friends had never heard Antony before, so we put this on to try and bring us back to earth.
The Fall – Theme From Sparta FC
Because Mark E Smith is Mark E Smith.
Elastica – Stutter
Idlewild – In Remote Part/Scottish Fiction
This song makes me think of someone very special who I will never stop loving, no matter how hard I try sometimes.
The Magnetic Fields – With Whom To Dance
My favourite is the very first album. But any Magnetic Fields hits the spot for me.

I’d better stop myself. I could go on all night.
TM x


Maps by the Yeah Yeah Yeahs
To the Birds by Suede (live)
Pretty Vacant by the Sex Pistols
The Crystal Ship by The Doors
Killing of a Flashboy by Suede (live)
Modern Romance by the Yeah Yeah Yeahs (live)
Atmosphere by Joy Division
Rebellion (Lies) by The Arcade Fire
Lazy by Suede
Moonlight Drive by The Doors
The Best Day Ever by Spongebob Squarepants




Before Disappearing Completely

I've been waiting for a guide to come take me by the hand…

I think if some witch wearing a black pointy hat decided to place an irreversible spell on me, and the result of this spell would mean that I could only enjoy either literature or music, either one or the other, but not both, and I got to choose, I would have to choose music, basically because music is the form that throughout my life has most deeply and directly fed and affected that bloody organ I call "my heart."

And if the conditions of this witch's spell were even more severe, conditions not revealed to me until after the spell had been cast--for example, not only would I be unable to enjoy books, but I would only be able to listen to one song for the rest of my life, over and over, I'd probably choose Joy Division's "Disorder", the first track on their 1979 album Unknown Pleasures.

I think it's the perfect song, simultaneously bleak and uplifting. Unlike some of the band's other songs, which revealed just how scary not only their music was, but all music is-voice and machines, voice and machines--it's one of the band's poppier moments, and when I think about it, I really love pop music. The song's so perfect, both heavy and light, that I really wouldn't mind if a witch put this spell on me, so I could spend the rest of my life intently listening to and studying this song. In fact, I'm looking for this witch.



artsjournal link

There is a short introduction in French. Then there is, not a self-portrait, that would be totally pretentious, but a sublime piece of music that I have loved ever since one morning in August 1957, at the Assembly Rooms, at the Edinburgh Festival. Just as Janos Starker (not Casals, as here) was about to start, a blond crew-cut American boy came in late and took the empty seat next to mine. At the end we were both in awe. The Bach was a knock-out. We spent the day together, going to a great Monet exhibition. He was about to go to Harvard. We wrote letters about the state of the world for a few years, then they fizzled. Whare are you now, Stan Junior? (An answer is not required).


Hi. My self-portrait playlist is also a sampler of potential DC blog days. Let me know what you think.

Up first is a track from a day honoring criminally underrated psychedelic pop misfits and electronic music pioneers Lothar & the Hand People. ‘Torture’ is an unreleased studio outtake from around 1969 that was part of a posthumous bootleg release of assorted LHP rarities. I think it speaks for itself. This day is basically complete, pending final approval. In it I argue that the Hand People play a much more significant role in the evolution of popular music from the last three decades than they are typically given credit for. Lothar was the name of the Theremin, by the way.
Next is a selection from a day discussed in brief on the blog last September titled “The Rise and Fall of Industrial Music: 1976-1986”. It is currently in development. ‘El Macho Y La Nena’ is one of the more unusual pieces by DAF/Malaria! offshoot Liaisons Dangereuses, from their sole 1981 LP. It showcases both the manic intensity of multilingual vocalist/lyricist Krishna Goineau, and the propulsive electronics of Chrislo Haas and Beate Bartel that made them the influential cult figures they became long after the group’s too brief existence.
The next two are from other possible music-themed blog days I’ve been kicking around. I have quite a few, but these are the two I picked for today’s SPD. The first of these is a day chronicling the early to mid-1970’s progressive/experimental work by Italian composer Franco Battiato (who became a hugely successful pop singer in the 1980’s). ‘Areknames’, from the 1972 album Pollution, is one of Battiato’s more accessible pieces from this era, yet still retains the trippy wordplay, meandering compositional style and unique mutation of minimalist electronics and rock/folk clichés he was once the master of. The lyrics are a kind of tone poem sung in reverse Italian (Areknames = Se Mancherà) and are used to great effect around the halfway point.

Areknames (1972) – Franco Battiato

The final piece is from a day dedicated to Bull of the Woods, the doomed final album by Texan psychedelic pioneers/casualties The 13th Floor Elevators. Bull is a harrowing portrait of a band in crisis, ravaged by mental illness and scandal. A third of the record is taken from sessions for a studio album that was abandoned after singer Roky Erickson was famously incarcerated, and Tommy Hall - the group’s psychedelic svengali, quasi-mystical lyricist and electric jug player – left to join an LSD cult in California. The rest of the album was filled out with songs by late guitarist Stacy Sutherland (many of which are excellent in their own right). ‘Dr. Doom’ is one of the Roky/Tommy compositions characterized by an uneasy psychic tension made all the more deranged by the addition of a sloppily arranged brass section. It’s based on a paranoid delusion of Tommy’s that Bob Dylan disagreed with their psychedelic proselytizing and wrote ‘All Along the Watchtower’ specifically about the Elevators (Dylan claims to have not known of the band at the time). ‘Dr. Doom’ is Tommy’s misguided response to ‘Watchtower’ and is gorgeously eerie and damaged.

Dr. Doom (1968) – The 13th Floor Elevators



[idea was four songs or under 13min, then 6 songs under 24 min, and to put - more personal stuff below, but that last part didn't happen[[[[ these are songs I either think about as me, or like me, or about me, or something along those aisles

S i d e A

1. Destroyer "What Road" (from 'your blues' on Merge, 2004)

- shin, me, etc

see also: 'what road' at the Destroyer wiki, Destroyer at Merge, and maybe 'How To Lose Shin'.

2. Ween "Mister, Could You Please Help My Pony?" (from 'Chocolate and Cheese' on Elektra, 1994)

down in the driveway - love this song so much, scene from a little world

see also:

3. They Might Be Giants "Where Your Eyes Don't Go" (from 'Lincoln' on Restless, 1988)

brilliant, beautiful, and moving bridge/solo - this song, and the 'nightmare you'll never be discovering' uhm, long time personal pick

see also: the song at the awesomeTMBW, and TMBG homepage.

S i d e B

4. MxBx (aka Melt-Banana) "Surfin' USA" (from 'MxBx 1998 / 13,000 miles at light velocity' on Tzadik, 1999)

perfect, California

see also: MxBx homepage, the album's page at Tzadik, and possibly the 'day' I did about them.

5. Guided By Voices "Over The Neptune/Mesh Gear Fox" (from 'Propeller' on Scat Records, 1992)

this song fits me in so many ways, I relate to every line, so in another way you could define me by those outlines

see also: song at gbvdb.

6. Masters Of The Hemisphere "The Gauntlet/Summer With You" (from 'Protest a Dark Anniversary' on Kindercore, 2002)

'people never do the things they should', lost love, summer, drugs (basics), and sweet

see also: their homepage, they broke up, but you can download all their EPs/seven inches/comp appearances there, also, unofficial mysp@ce.


4 disjointed moments, or 4 songs I can't ever listen to again + 1 playlist.

David Bowie — Aladdin Sane: mid 70s. My mother had that record. She left my father for this older man who had a beach house 1/2 hour away from Casablanca. She would listened to it, as she was speeding on the freeway to meet him and I remember understanding something frightening about lust. Watch

Visage — Fade to Grey: 1980 It's the first 7inch I remember buying in Cannes in the summer of 1980. It was a total shock when I first heard that particular mix of dance music and melancholia. In Morocco, where I grew up the only stuff we heard since they had stopped importing records in 1977 was hippie/surfer music, preferably from the ones who had spent some time there in the 70s--The Rolling Stones, Bob Dylan, Jimi Hendrix, Tim Buckley... nothing that was mine. It opened the door to Joy Division, New Order, The Cure... and later Italo Disco and the Pet Shop Boys. Watch

Taxi Girl — Seuls sous la Neige: 1986–1992 I heard that song in a french TV show "Les Enfants du Rock" where Daniel Darc and Mirwais were followed in the gloomy 80s Paris, hanging out in Pigalle, in the subway on the north side, inside a movie theater, talking about Rimbaud and Bob Dylan. As a narrative thread there was a recording session of that song in a studio somewhere. The band broke up shortly after it and the song was never released and the master has been lost. I found an audio recording of the TV show on SoulSeek a few years ago and reconstituted the song (poorly) with some sound program. My sordid life in the 20th arrondissement—Guillaume Serp "Les Cherubins Electriques"—that particular feeling of hopelessness. Watch

Pixies — Hey: 1991–2004. I just took an X and it's starting to take over and it's uncomfortable at first--the heat, the crowd, the fear. I am not so sure if it's a good idea. We arrived in time to see the Pixies but we're heading for the beer garden. I see him in front of me, my first gay lover, the one I moved to California for (supposedly), who dumped me as soon as I got here to be with him. But I don't acknowledge his presence and he doesn't see me. The summer I met him in 91 we were listening to Doolittle and we saw the Pixies play in Venice for some industry at their last album release party. It was so thrilling then. The song "Hey" was the defining one I associate with that summer. Now we're watching the Pixies. My friend wants to leave, but I tell her that I am waiting to hear my favorite song and right then Frank Black screams "Hey." I break into tears, I feel some incredible release, like maybe it's time to go home, that I've come full circle. The sun is setting in the desert and that's we're we fell in love in the first place that summer, in the American desert, and I know he's close by and I wonder if he thinks about me. Watch

+ One playlist:

Mikel Motorcycle

At first I was trying to come up with the perfect song that felt like it was a self-portrait, that represented who I project and feel myself to be, but none of what I picked felt exactly right. Then I starting thinking about the songs that I instinctively skip over, because even though they are great songs, they kind of repulse me because they hit a nerve inside me that is too deep, dark and depressing to deal with, so hence, probably closer to a true self-portrait than anything I'd come up with. So here are two of those songs.

(Mazzy Star - Into Dust)

(Throwing Muses - Delicate Cutters)

By the way, when I posted a comment earlier, your blog started typing back at me and told me that this song was its contribution to the self-portrait day. (The Amps - Bragging Party)


Simon est mon frère, les premiers hommes que j'ai aimés
Ou si je dis qu'il m'a aimé
j'étais dans la deuxième année, il avait quatorze ans

Dans les ombres des arbres
Il y avait une brise d'été, un rêve flou
Derrière la maison-silencieuse comme une souris
Il m'a dit de ne pas respirer
un secret durement pour le garder
j’attends sagement jusqu'à treize
Mais d'ici bas je savais juste
que le faire était juste une vieille routine
Tous les garçons ils sont tombés amoureux de moi
Tous les garçons avaient une chose pour moi

Vous me voyez essayer de sourire en haut sur ce pôle,
Mais je cache juste la douleur.
c'est profond dans mon âme
Vous voulez me baiser je sais déjà que
Vous voulez me baiser et me lancer en arrière à l'étage


p.s. Hey. I think a whole lot of the links in this old Self-Portrait Day are dead now, and it's mostly a conceptual thing, but I invited it back anyway or even for that very reason maybe. ** David Ehrenstein, First of all, huge congrats to you and Bill on your marriage yesterday! That's very, very, very happy news! Everyone, awesomeness in the form of Mr. E's marriage yesterday to his longtime love, the writer and general smarty-pants supreme Bill Reed, which you can almost kind of participate in by going over to David's Fablog and seeing this related post. Then you can see the happy couple actually doing and celebrating the deed if you go here. Do it. Yeah, the clean up is a drag and laborious as hell. I didn't realize for how many years I've been doing these escort/slave posts. Yeesh. ** James, Hi, James! Nice to see you, man! There are sufficiently talented people here in Paris for sure. It's just matter of (1) are they available on short notice, and (2) can we afford them? We'll know soon. Well, I've never been to Madrid or even to Spain, strangely enough, but, nonetheless, I highly, highly recommend you go to Tokyo because it's absolutely one of the very greatest places/cities on earth. I'm completely in love with it, and I think everyone who can afford to make the trip should go there. Good day back to you, sir! ** Sypha, Hi. Ha ha, I'm going to hope that the fact that your tower of boobs is in anime is enough to spare it from Google's wrath. Fingers crossed. ** Tomkendall, Hey! You're back, awesome! Moving to Peru, that's very cool. Where in Peru? Not that I know Peru or anything although I did "live" there for a summer when I was fifteen, and I saw a little. It really does sound like a new job is a very good idea. Love to you, man. ** Steevee, Hi. I'm not sure why Google/Blogger has suddenly decided to do this now. I know that it's targeted at porn blogs, of which there are very many, and I just hope my escort and slave posts aren't going to qualify in their eyes, at least after I denude them, which I spent most of yesterday beginning to do. Ugh. 'It Follows' sounds pretty worth seeing, huh. I'll see what its status re: France is. Thank you! ** Kier, Denopher, ha ha. That has an especially nice ring. I think it's the syllables combo. Yeah, that makes sense not showing your stuff in too many mediums. Still, 10 is so few! Obviously, it's to save the committee's eyesight or something. Cool that you have someone you know might have an idea of what will appeal to them. Let me now what your friend says. Oh, thank you, my friend, for picking me. You know, if there's anything I can do to help, with a recommendation or anything at all, you'll tell me, right? I don't know what good I could do, but, if you think I might help in some way, don't hesitate. I've never played 'Silent Hill', which seems really weird. Wrong system, basically. Yesterday I ended up spending the great majority starting the retrospective cleaning up of the blog posts. It was laborious, let me say. Basically, whenever possible, I'm just removing all the nudity and sex images from the escort/slave posts. But sometimes the only image I have of a guy is hardcore, so then I have to drag the image off the blog and crop it and reinsert it, which is adding a bunch of time. Bleah. I got back to late 2010 yesterday, and that seems to be around the time my porn-centric posts started fading out. I'm having take all of those offline. Anyway, what I'm saying is that most of my day was spent sitting at my computer doing that. Otherwise, Zac and I are heavily on the search for people to do our film's post-production. Christophe (Honore), who's one of our film's producers, is being a massive help and trying to find people for us. We really need to do the post- in the next three weeks if it's at all possible both because we need to get the film ready to submit to the Cannes Film Festival, and the deadline will be approaching then, and also because Z. and I are supposed to go on a trip to the West Coast on or around the 10th. And we need to make a few minutes-long 'promo reel' about the film to start getting industry and festival people interested, so we'll be working on that and starting to do the last pre-post- sound correction today. I did a little beginning of a search for a new apartment, which wasn't very promising as of yet, shit, and ... that was that? Yeah, I think that was that. How is and was Thursday, pal? ** Omar, Hi, Omar! Really nice to get to see you! Yeah, it sucks, it's lame, it's generalizing crap. I think the blog won't really change that much other than the escort and slave posts being less graphic visually, but it's a big hassle anyway. I hope you're doing great! ** _Black_Acrylic, Hi, Ben. Yeah, sucks for sure in every possible way it could suck. Really nice that your talk went over so well! ** Keaton, I want the R-G box too. Well, duh. Civility, huh, yeah, I get that. Most of it was 'old on young' thing from the heyday of Russian porn online dominance. Cool mail! ** Misanthrope, Oh, yeah, I think causing themselves to be objectified is a big part of porn stars' job, or, wait, probably more the job of the porn's director. I just never did that to him. In fact, I never really paid attention to him back then. Then he friended me on FB, and I thought, this guy looks familiar, but it took me a while to put two and two together. Yeah, I just don't think he looks bad now. If you want my somewhat educated guess, I think the drugs were what made him skinny, and think his weight gain is partially normal and partially anti-depressant-related. He's rehabbing for alcohol, so there's that too. Anyway, he's not a wreck or anything. He's a lovely guy who seems totally upbeat and is doing well. He just drinks too much, basically, but I don't think he's an example of a porn casualty or anything. Sorry about the lack of eye candy. You make me wish there were iPhones back then 'cos that you-wasted-in-the-pit, etc. thang would make a hell of viral youtube video. ** Jeffrey Coleman, Hi, Jeff! Sucks, yeah. Sure, I've considered restarting elsewhere, but, to me, x-ing out the dicks and assholes and stuff isn't such a big thing other than the obnoxiousness of being censored and the hassle of cleaning the blog's long history. And, whether it makes sense or not, doing that restart feels too official or something. I like that the blog is just this weird, random thing that happens almost of its own accord with my fingertips and brain weighing in or something. I think I've read Chris Moran. I'll have to check, but, yeah, I think so? A little, at least? Well, that's very interesting about Brian O'Blivion. I've heard some kind of rumor, but it's vague to me now. Huh. I wonder if I can suss out the culprit somehow. I'm going to get all over GnOme Books as soon as my schedule leaves me a little more alone. Thank you a lot for that tip and recommendation. I trust your opinion implicitly. That's a perfectly legit and even inspired play on my name, as far as I'm concerned. Thanks! ** Hyemin kim, Hi! Yeah, the policy change is a big drag, but, ugh, there it is. I'm in Paris. I was supposed to be Berlin right now and for the next week or so at least, but plans changed, and now I'm unexpectedly here, and there'll be reruns for the next short while because I set them up in advance, and I don't have new posts to present at the moment. I'm good. I hope you're good too. ** Right. See what you can do and make out of this old, probably all-but-dead end Self-Portrait Day made for us by the now lost/gone but wonderful d.l. Xkj aka Koes. See you tomorrow.