Panda? presents ... MY PET PACIFIC TREE OCTOPUSES

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SOME INFO:

Pacific tree octopuses are located in select rain forests yet not known. They are rarely ever seen, but they have vision comparable to humans, possibly even better. The octopuses are thought to be almost extinct, and there is a constantly ongoing fight for these sweet little creatures to be put on the list. The pacific octopuses are almost the whole package, they're incredibly smart. These things have the largest brain-to-body ratio of any mollusk. Actually they're quite like monkeys, swinging from branch to branch, having love affairs with bananas. Whooooo these suckers are the real deal.
The sad thing is that their skin is coveted within the rich folk. It is thought to show high wealth and tennis skill of the utmost quality. Thank god it's been outlawed.
SASQUATCH LOVES HIM SOME OF THESE HE EATS THEM DAILY
Also if you're thinking of having them as pets you'll need the following:
huge terrarium
lots and lots of bananas
branches
at least two others, they need friends
cool hangout in tub
have good attitude
has to love animals
has to have at least ten years experience with them



MY PETS:


CARCAR:



Man this guy is moody, but A LOT of fun. Memories will live on forever between us. I love this guy. I've found he likes tomatoes a lot. Also likes water a lot more than trees. Hmm, weird. But the car drives are always a blast. HE LOVES MCDONALDS.



TREECOT:



WOW this is the guy... man this is the guy. WOW. Some good times had. Quite like the stereotypical Pacific Tree Octopus. I like him though. He's a cuddler.



BESSY:



She's really shy. I MEAN really shy. I love her though. It's kind of like a game of I spy when ever I try to find her. I like that game. She doesn't seem to like car rides.



LASSY:



Just like that dog. I swear. I don't get it. Even barks.



NOSFERATU:



I swear this thing is Dracula. It sucks my blood till I can't even walk. I only got him since he was in the pound and I felt bad for the guy. But I mean... This can't keep happening. My life and relationships are at risk here. I won't be able to go to work. I won't be able to do anything. Killing is not my thing, that's the pound's problem. I can't do it. But my legs have been seeming a little more blue than usual. People look at me weird when I jog. What's up with that? They seemed concerned, but I don't know what they're talking about. I just say “Oh yeah that's NOSFERATU, haha.” Keep going on though. My eyes are turning. I feel like I'm growing. I thought I was done? I guess not. Haha. Well I'm glad. I am short. And I'M WAY overdue for a spurt. My cables are driving me crazy. Hey, NOSFERATU'S out. Haha I was just talking about you. Where've you been? I missed you. Our friends too. The scarlet lighting I think makes me tense. Is the ocean nearNOSFERATU? I could go for a dip.



KOLE:



I didn't even know I had this one. HAHA. Well I guess I do. Is this your friend NOSFERATU? You seem like mutual friends. Am I right? Haha. Well you guys have fun. You guys going to the mall? sounds nice. You're not, where are you going then? ARE YOU THINKING OF ESCAPING? That's a big problem. You go on home, KOLE. I need to have a chat with my pet. I'm sending you to school. NOW where's the ocean? You never told me. It's near, right? Don't go coy! Not allowed BIG NO-NO. You're going in your crib. UGH, you stress me out big time.



juleJEWLjune:



WE go way back. Good memories. First pet.



DEERTOP:



Haha, this guy is funny. And he knows where the beach is. Scarlet lighting, ohhhh. It bugs me. Seriously. I've been writing recently. It's good. DEERTOP likes it. We all like it.



PILLO:



Just got this one. Hopefully it's good. Had bad caretakers before. Left it on the street with a trampoline.



MAARKET:



This guy can eat and party! Haha. Party animal, such fun. Big time football fan. Me too. Love it. Since I was young. I wish I could do that. Legally. What? haha I don't know what I'm talking about. Oh yeah, my pets. Oh, MAARKET. One of god's good ones. Supposedly hung out together, pretty rad dude. Took out that bad lighting. Love him forever now. Never apart. Fat though. And heavy. Needs a crane.


NOSFERATU is almost dry. Me too. What is up with that? I'll get lotion. Just in time too. MY brain is fried.
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p.s. Hey. Today the mighty Panda?, distinguished local and artistic master of multiple mediums, not least among them music, and most specifically his recent five stars-worthy with a bullet album Skeletal Gardens, takes the floor with one of those posts for which any kind of explanatory introduction from me would only prove harmful. Please explore, enjoy, and then tell him what you think via one or more of the two allotted comments arenas. Thanks a million, Panda? I thank all of the rest of you both for your kind attention to today's post and for the wealth of SPD contributions you winged my way pre- last night's deadline. The resulting SPD is a totally glorious, surprise filled whopper of a post whose girth and richness will cause it to unfold over two jam-packed days, namely on this coming Friday and Saturday. You guys are absolutely incredible. I don't know what else to say. What else ... oh, if you're in San Francisco at the moment, you've got one hell of a night ahead of you if you so choose, i.e. the LHotB's own author du jour Derek McCormack is reading with none other than the literary genius and living legend Kevin Killian tonight at City Lights. More details via that link. Where I am, it's Bastille Day, and I'll be out there celebrating the glory of France along with lots of actual French people once Kiddiepunk and I venture down to the Eiffel Tower later this afternoon to watch a massive free concert by France's ultra-legendary if artistically questionable answer to Elvis Presley, Mr. Johnny Hallyday, followed by fireworks and then a nightmarishly crowded metro train trip home. But that's then, and this is now, so ... ** Steven Trull, Your comment made me hallucinate unpredictably. In the secret world of me, there is no higher compliment. Thank you. ** Empty Frame, Hey. Stewart Home is currently wreaking amusing havoc in the status updates of Facebook, but I'm sure he's doing a lot more than that in future book and other forms. Guy's amazing. As for your question about my use of structure, it's a combination. I tend to map out a pretty intricate structure before I start a novel, and I begin writing with that as my guide, but I let the structure grow new tentacles or collapse in places if need be while I write because I'm also interested in using my whims and improvving within the game plan I've set out. Basically, the more primary aspect or deepest of the content comes first, and that determines the initial structure, and then in the writing process, the two kind of merge or engage in a fairly balanced battle, and the weak links on both sides are allowed to die and be replaced with new ideas as the case may be, and then in the revising and editing phase, which for me is the longest and most important part of any writing project, I aim for a kind of harmony between the two aspects. I'm not sure of that makes sense, but that's my shot as explaining how it all works. Thank you a lot asking. ** Stan_cz, Oh, sure, having grown up and spent most of my life on the West Coast, I've been through/to Big Sur and Carmel a bunch of times. The leisurely way to drive from LA to San Francisco or vice versa involves taking a route through both of them. Big Sur is beautiful, no question, although I would say the less celebrated California coast north of SF is just as amazing. Carmel is quite quaint with a capital Q, and a bit too geared to tourists and to people who think art means realistic looking seascape paintings for my taste, but it's sweet. I prefer nearby Monterey, which is a little scrappier. But, yeah, a pilgrimage is in order. Nature hardly gets more gorgeous than it does in both the westernmost and easternmost parts of California. ** David Ehrenstein, 'My Own Private Idaho', duh. Envy on your getting to use Outfest to your and everyone's advantage. I've never been to the annual Paris queer film festival, but everyone here groans about how lame and behind the times it is. Oh, Jonathan Tucker is still making films? I liked him in 'Deep End' a lot. That's cool. I need to see that Crisp film somehow. And the Johnny Weir thing too. ** Davidc, You know, it's true that Parisian firemen are so consistently good looking and, by most people's standards, hot, that it's almost spooky. I live near a big fire station, and walking by it does feel like walking by the catering truck on some Bel Ami porn shoot. Oh, good old Gay's the Word. I owe them one. Weren't they recently in danger of closing? I'm glad they're still hanging in there. David, sorry, refresh my memory. Where are you flying to again? ** Tonyoneill, A belated but extremely happy birthday to you, man! How'd you spend it? Oh, great that the editing is that far long in the process. Yeah, Michael's just awesome as an editor and on every other level. I'm looking forward to his help on my non-fiction book because it might needs a fair amount of editorial help, at least re: the order and nipping lesser pieces. July 2010, whoo hoo! ** Alan, Ha ha, even with my paltry French, I know what that phrase meant. Yeah, busted, I read Liberation with fair regularity. I also read L'Humanite on occasion, you might be interested to know. Well, 'read' might be pushing it. I try to read both papers and succeed to some degree. Have you ever tried constructing visual, image-based exercises to assist you with a writing problem to do with eschewing fiction's conventions and expectations? It works strangely well for me a fair amount of the time. Either that or I've been using that method for so long I've figured out a way to make it seem to work even if it doesn't quite. ** JoeM, I'm all about getting a few minutes of successful writing in these days, so if that's your current lot, I think that's plenty of work and progress. The main thing is those two ideas you're enthusiastic about. That enthusiasm is probably the most important part of writing anyway, you know? It's the Pied Piper. ** SYpHA_69, I love the idea of what might happen to your writing if Acker ends up influencing you. I like the imaginary combo of your talent and hers. I'll be interested to see what you think of her work and what transpires if you do. Well, the GI visit sounds to have pretty successful, at least if his informed hunch is the right one. I mean, colitis makes sense, and it should be clearable without too, too much hassle. You feel better, at least psychologically, I hope? ** Bill, Deep breaths. Or rather forestalled deep breaths since you're in the clear for another week. I know people who swear by that old stress removal method of imagining the audience is naked. Never tried that myself, but heck. Anyway, you're going to have them eating out of your busy hands, man. Word. ** Jose, Oh, I like that far away mutant attack thing. That's really spooky. I'd forgotten about the connection with the Tarkovsky film. Jesus Christ, I really need to get that game. It can't be available on Wii, right? It seems very un-Wii. Is it a computer game? Fuck, I find all that info out for myself, sorry. I have noticed that Dodgers are the best team in baseball, you bet. It's pretty fucking surreal. I'm still waiting for them to do the infamous total Dodgers meltdown and blow it all. ** Blendin, Oh, don't blame Vin. I don't even know if he was involved in the decision. It was probably just his agent. He only does two or three interviews a year, and his agent made it clear to the LA Weekly that such lowly venue wasn't going to get one of those precious spots. I'm sure it's one of those things where if I saw Vin on the street and asked if he'd talk to me about Gagne, he'd be all like, 'Well, sure, son.' ** Joshposh, Josh! Hey, maestro. It's always an honor and a ticklish feeling of joy when you stop by. Oh, you're in with Koes too? That makes sense. If my world and your world had a baby together ... Oh, I've been meaning to send you something or rather alert you to something that might be of mild interest. There must be an email address on Milkboys, yes? Anyway, I'll write to you today or tomorrow. Lots of love to you, Josh! ** Kier, Oh, I think the day on which you wanted a hug was yesterday, but just in case the need lingers, gosh, I'm giving you a virtual stranglehold (in a good way) hug at this very moment. What's up, pal? You okay? Tons of love from me. ** Alec Niedenthal, Hey. Yeah, I'm pretty into contemporary psych. I adore the genre, and am something of a sucker re: all of its generations, and I'm also a devotee of much what Kranky and Important put out too. The original version of that psych post had a bunch of current stuff, but it was so giant at that point, I feared the amount of tech might turn people's computers into stone tablets, so I edited back to mostly 60s stuff. Your paper sounds pretty amazing. Metafiction as nostalgia for self-presence and logocentrism sounds like an incredibly fruitful idea. Lots of respect to you in absentia. I agree that the British avant-anti-avant guys are up to very interesting things, Tom McCarthy high among them. On Home, well, I love his fiction as well, and I think you might try a novel. I'd especially recommend either 'Slow Death', probably my favorite, or '69 Things to Do with a Dead Princess'. Oh, thank you, re: the email. I've been swamped with putting the SPD together, but as soon as I finish that task later today, I'll open your email and check out the short-shorts. Wonderful. I look forward to it. ** Killer Luka, Oh, you were as charming and status-quo defying as hell yesterday. No apologies. If a sentence could be a bouquet, I'd write one right now. ** JW Veldhoen, Vega over Vegas, absolutely. If I weren't so busy with words, I'd suggest we open an architectural design firm. Did you find the right place to fall down? ** Memoirs of a Heroinhead, Hey. Listen, your blog/writing are incredible. I caught up some more yesterday. I have to echo so many others and wish you'd gather your writing into book form, although that might be old fashioned of me to see the book as some kind of especially exalted destiny for your work. That's very interesting about your progressive thinking re: Nilsen. Might you write more about that somewhere? Yes, I hope we'll speak again soon too, here or elsewhere, and if you get to Paris, let's meet up and talk if that would interest you. For now, much respect. ** Uli, Thanks, Uli. How's the packing and preparing going. You're almost on your way to Berlin, yes? ** Flit, I'm glad to see you. And in one piece, excellent. Yeah, substances. They're awesome, or can be, but, as I've said before, clarity is pretty fucking cool. I've been digging it for years now. Well, with cigarettes and coffee and an occasional sip to tide me over. ** Steevee, Got the photos and the follow up email about the text, yes. Thanks a lot, and hopes are high about Toronto. ** Shaiological Processes, Those lyrics speak volumes. A dark, blurry, long-term night of the soul, it sounds like. Well, you know there's a light at the end of the tunnel of this blog with your name on it if your map has room for this particular oddball, craggy route. And, let's face it, if there is a tatted Asian Misfits fan prone to quoting Adorno, he's as likely to be lurking here as anywhere else. And to your pal ShaiMore TeenageKicks, I say, no problemo, man. Water off a duck's back. ** Chris, Oh, yeah, I know 'You Left Me Sore'. Some years before I knew you, I was in the running for the world's biggest Todd Rundgren fan prize or at least for the status of being the most obsessive collector of his oeuvre and rarities. I would agree that 'Something/Anything' and 'A Wizard, a True Star' are his best. But 'Todd' has a bunch of great stuff on it, and, if you can get into the pure pop song song writing genius aspect of his talent, 'Runt' and 'Hermit of Mink Hollow' and the non-covers half of 'Faithful' are excellent too. Hope that job you want comes through, whatever it is. What is it? Can you say? Oh, not only see the Ray Johnson show, but rent and watch 'How to Draw a Bunny', which is a great documentary about him. Very inspiring stuff. ** Math, Hey. Well, maybe I misunderstood, but those sites I sent you are just pages full of links to galleries. If you click the little pictures, you'll end up linked over into new, different pages with corresponding galleries where the images will also be small but can be clicked and enlarged to a reasonably decent size in many cases. Nope, haven't seen those Morrissey covers yet. I'll check them. Love, love. ** Postitbreakup, No problem, Josh. Here we go. Everyone, the divinely gifted writer and d.l. Postitbreakup has a question for anyone reading this. Please help him out, if you can. Here's the deal, in his own words: '(Does) anyone knows graduate schools that offer an M.A. in Creative Writing? And also, why would I want to get an M.F.A. versus the M.A. (which would let me go on to get a PHD)? I've done some preliminary googling but I figured there's a lot of creative people here who might know more personally.' I hope your question gets some bites. Mm, to be honest, I didn't like that video all that much, although I see why it's cool and very well done, and a bunch of people I know love the AutoTune stuff. Just not in line with my weird sense of humor, I guess. That said, that's all the more reason why I would love for you to do an Auto Tunes Day for the blog if you don't mind. I need the enlightenment it would assuredly provide. So, yes, please do, and thank you, and take good care, J. ** NB, Make that deadline. Do it for the good of yourself, her, and all of literate humanity, and then let us see the stuff too. Granted, I'm the kind of boyfriend who, when he falls in love, usually starts living with the beloved within a couple of weeks if that happens to be technically possible, and granted that my past relationships have wound up being a bit stormy for all their sublimity, but Christopher wanting to be boyfriends within two weeks doesn't strike me as all that peculiar. But it's all about what you want, your pacing, etc. I mean, the term boyfriend isn't a lock and key, right? I don't know. I trust your judgement. No problem about missing the SPD. It's big, and you'll like observing it. They tried marketing 3D gay porn about, oh, I don't know, ten years ago? It was huge flop. I can only imagine it working out this time as a fetish niche marketing thing. Hm. ** Frank Jaffe, That hotel sounds nice. Actually, Coral Gables sounds nice in and of itself. What a beautiful name. I've always wondered if the city could possibly live up to what its name spins off in the imagination. There was a Biltmore Hotel in Pasadena near where I grew up that was pretty cool and grand, and may still be if it exists. My mother used to put on her Jackie Kennedy wig and mink stole before she'd even walk in the door. In fact, every hotel I've ever seen called Biltmore was pretty awesome as hotels go. It's like a magic name. Maybe I should change the name of this blog to The Biltmore and see what happens. ** Inthemostpeculiarway, Now I'm wondering which of your SPD picks is your favorite boy possibly ever. I have an inkling. Which Acker did you order? Nice choice, man. Kathy rules, as does, well, Mr. Derek McCormack, if I don't say so myself. Smoking outside definitely helps. Or, in my case, in the stairwell. My day? Let's see ... I drank coffee, worked on my novel for about 90 minutes, did the blog, spent a number of hours loading SPD contributions into their proper posts, met up with my friend Kiddiepunk, bought food for later, went to his room in the Recollets, checked out what was going on for Bastille Day via the internet, made plans to participate in some of it, came home, spent more hours uploading SPD entries, ate my home-microwaved dinner, watched some weird and kind of cool old French avant-garde-ish film on TV whose title I didn't catch, blabbed and hung out with Yury, crashed. Yep, that's it. Today might be funnish, we'll see. I'll let you know. And how did you celebrate Bastille Day? ** Armando, I saw the 'Chainsaw' remake. If you forget the greatness of the original entirely, it's a solid little no-brainer of a horror movie. I haven't seen the 'Last House' remake, but the word on it hasn't been too positive. If you watch them, tell me your scoop on their virtues or lack of value. ** The Dreadful Flying Glove, Oh, indeed, on those carry the valuable and/or dangerous object parts of videogames. Especially when there's a timer. You've never seen a controller get thrown down in disgust like the ones I've hurled to earth when those parts arrive. I love 'Corporal Clegg' with a passion. That kazoo thing, yuck, genius! Oh, a DFG mix tape. I'll go listen to that. Others should too, no doubt. So ... Everyone, The Dreadful Flying Glove, whose general brilliance and high value to the natural world surely need not be highlighted by the likes of me, has created a mixtape, and we are all invited to partake, and if I know my DFG, you want to listen, and you can do that here. Thank you, sir. You have singlehandedly saved the audio portion of my Bastille Day from being swallowed whole by the caterwauling of Johnny Hallyday and hundreds of offkey renditions of 'La Marseillaise'. ** Winter Rates, Having first edited out the chicken portion, my imagination grabbed that Bollywood dinner in its eagle-like beak, flew it to Paris, and fed my baby bird-like taste buds. Yummo. Jared and you doing your show in tandem? Damn. I'm so there, It should have been me and you, though. Nothing against the godlike Jared, and it's my own damn fault that I didn't get there first, but still. First I'll listen to your recent solo show. You sound just awfully good, my friend. Music to my ears. ** Oscar B, Hey. No, I don't know that guy Ricardo Lopez's stuff. I'll definitely go look. I've heard about him, of course. Get some decent sleep somehow, my friend. Lack of decent sleep is the worst. Well, headaches are even worse, but I feel for you. If Bastille Day is destined to be fun, I'll do my utmost to have some of it. ** Misanthrope, Jesse definitely had and surely still has a bitchy, diva, fussy vibe, which is precisely why watching him get slam-fucked is porn's equivalent of a Monster Truck rally. Or precisely why in part, I mean. I do think that if he didn't have that Beatle haircut he'd look like a turtle. Blog story addition, cool, I'll head there as soon as gods allow me to head. ** Colin, Glad the writing is going well. Why is the moon on TV so often where you are? It's not slowly heading into a collision with the earth or anything, is it? Please say no. I'd love to see any of this new writing of yours if there are any options. I hope your dog pooped quickly and stylishly. What his/her name? ** Right. You are in Panda?'s considerable hands now. Take full advantage of this golden opportunity, please. I'll go add my two cents to the French celebration of good old France, and if those two cents buy me anything of special interest, I'll tell you about it tomorrow.